Sometimes I Need To Be Alone
Why Mature Individuals Should Prioritize Alone Time
Do you ever feel like you need a break from the world? Like you just want to curl up in your bed with a good book, or binge-watch your favorite show, or meditate in silence? If you do, congratulations! You are an individual who understands the importance of alone time. Not everyone does. For some, the idea of being alone is terrifying! But let me be clear: having alone time does not mean you are alone.
In fact, it could even be quite the opposite. The more active and social you are, the more valuable alone time is. I find that as I age, the more time I want to be alone. I am busy with two part-time jobs, writing a blog (in secret), and managing the household. There is something about solitude that just makes me happy.
Alone time is not a luxury; it's a necessity. It's a way of recharging your batteries, reconnecting with yourself, and boosting your mental health. It's also a sign of self-respect, self-awareness, and self-love. How many times have you felt like just going away? Solo vacations are all the rage right now, and sometimes, that is exactly what you need. But who can afford a vacation every time they want to be alone?
Prioritizing alone time can sometimes make a difference between smiling at someone and biting their head off with derogatory or condescending comments. Perhaps they earned it, but more likely, you are just having a bad day. If any of this resonates with you, here are some reasons why you should prioritize alone time and how to make the most of it.
Reduces Stress and Anxiety
Alone time reduces stress and anxiety. When you are constantly surrounded by people, noise, and demands, your stress levels can skyrocket. You may feel overwhelmed, irritable, and exhausted. During the Covid lockdowns, both my husband and I worked from home on a full-time basis. Some days, our son also worked in the house. Although we all got along, the constant noise levels of three different conversations (and a radio in the background) were not only distracting but also stressful. Let's face it, when people talk in Teams meetings with their headphones on, they can be loud.
By spending some time alone, you can lower your cortisol levels, calm your nervous system, and relax your mind and body. You can also use this time to practice some self-care activities, such as breathing exercises, yoga, or aromatherapy. Sometimes, the simple act of taking the dog for a walk is enough to de-stress. If you have young children in the house, the need for alone time is even greater. I can only imagine what life was like for young families during COVID-19, with kids yelling and parents trying to conduct business.
Increases Creativity and Productivity
Alone time increases creativity and productivity. When you are alone, you can focus better, think deeper, and unleash your imagination. You can work on your personal projects, hobbies, or goals without any distractions or interruptions. During my alone time over the last few years, I started writing. Initially, it was just a travel blog, but now I am transitioning onto Substack as I want to be more creative and diverse with the writing aspect rather than the sales aspect (click the link here): still travel content, but so much more.
Although the blog concept was imagined in 2019, the content was not published until late 2020. I chose to keep it a secret as I wanted this to be MY project without any influence from those around me. (It is still a secret, by the way) I'm not sure when I will let them in on the secret. It takes much more time to write and be creative when it is a hidden art though.
You can also learn new skills, explore new ideas, or solve problems more effectively. Alone time can also help you improve your memory, concentration, and decision-making skills. How many times have you awakened in the middle of the night (those 3 am thoughts) and suddenly solved a problem you had. Well, guess what? You lying in bed in the dark is, in fact, a form of alone time. See the benefits already?
Enhances Your Relationships
Alone time enhances your relationships. Contrary to popular belief, alone time does not make you lonely or antisocial. In fact, it can make you more sociable and empathetic. When you spend some time alone, you can reflect on your feelings, values, and needs. You can also appreciate the people in your life more and understand their perspectives better.
For me, I am in the office three days a week. My husband is in his office two days a week. Well, guess what? I plan my day off to be one of the days that he is IN his office. See what I did? I planned my alone time during the day. And let me tell you, the peaceful house is amazing. This is one of the days I do the most work on my writing. Whether it is writing, revising, researching, or looking for photos, the quiet house is refreshing, and I get so much accomplished.
By having some alone time, you can avoid co-dependency, resentment, and boredom in your relationships. You can also communicate more clearly, honestly, and respectfully. If you need to discuss something with your partner, using this alone time is a great way to craft the direction of the conversation if it is a difficult or challenging topic.
Boosts Your Self-Esteem and Happiness
Alone time boosts your self-esteem and happiness. When you are alone, you can discover more about yourself, your strengths, and your passions. You can also celebrate your achievements, acknowledge your challenges, and plan for your future. By spending some time alone, you can develop a positive self-image, a healthy self-confidence, and a strong sense of identity. You can also cultivate gratitude, optimism, and joy in your life.
So, how can you make the most of your alone time? Here are some tips:
Schedule it.
Don't wait for alone time to happen by chance. Make it a priority and block some time in your calendar for it. It can be as little as 15 minutes or as long as a weekend. The important thing is to stick to it and respect it. Since my husband is an avid skier and cyclist, he is out of the house at least a couple of evenings a week in the winter and all day Saturday. Summer is a little less duration but regular nonetheless.
Set boundaries.
Let others know that you need some alone time and ask them to respect it. Turn off your phone, email notifications, and social media alerts. Avoid checking the news, gossip sites, or other sources of stress or negativity. This is probably one of the most difficult things to do in a world of instant gratification. Taking a walk or visits to the park without the devices can do wonders sometimes. Taking a solo vacation and NOT checking in daily can also be beneficial. It will also give you something to talk about when you return.
Do something that makes you happy.
Don't use your alone time to catch up on chores or work-related tasks. Use it to do something that brings you joy, satisfaction, or peace. It can be anything from reading a book to playing an instrument to gardening to painting to writing a poem. Use your imagination; let your creativity get the better of you. This is YOUR time; use it wisely. The rest of the world will wait for you.
Photo by Sina Sadeqi on Unsplash Be mindful.
Don't let your mind wander to the past or the future. Stay in the present moment and enjoy every second of it. Pay attention to your senses, emotions, and thoughts. Notice the beauty around you and within you. Remember that visit to the park? Stop looking at the ground. Look at the sky. Look at the trees. How many varieties are there? Is it windy? What do you hear? What do you smell? There's an old saying about stopping to smell the roses. This is what it refers to. Take the time; make the time. Be the observer in your own world.
Be kind to yourself.
Don't judge yourself harshly or compare yourself to others. Treat yourself with compassion and love. Say positive affirmations to yourself or write them down in a journal. Pamper yourself with a massage or a bubble bath. You are your own destiny. Create or re-create yourself. Who are you? Have you changed over the years? Do you want to change?
These are all part of self-evaluation and will lead to a better loving of yourself. If you don't like something, only you have the power to change. Use this alone time to strategize the why and the how. But in doing so, do not judge yourself in other's eyes. YOU are none of their business.
Have fun!
Alone time is not boring or depressing. It's fun and exciting! You can use this time to explore new places, try new things, or challenge yourself in different ways. You can also laugh out loud at a funny show, video, or joke. Only you have the freedom to make choices without external influence.
Photo by Eneko Uruñuela on Unsplash
As we age, maintaining mental well-being through alone time is even more important. Coping with life changes and transitions such as loss or retirement, adjusting to an empty nest, or changing family dynamics can bring about stress, anxiety, and burnout. Providing a break from constant social interactions or responsibilities can enhance emotional resilience and deepen understanding and empathy towards oneself, which allows for a better connection with others.
Have you benefited from alone time? Are there other strategies that help keep you sane in this age of digital bombardment and instant gratification?
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