I Am A Ski Widow

And I'm OK with it / Just Because You Are Married, Doesn't Mean You Need To Do Everything Together

So now that I have your attention.

You might ask yourself, "What is a Ski Widow?" 

Well, to put it quite simply, during the winter, I find myself alone many times throughout the week. You see, my partner loves to ski. I do not, or at least not anymore.

But let me back up a bit and give you the whole story.

Photo by Luka Senica on Unsplash

Where It All Started

Many decades ago, my partner lived in Montreal, and like many who live in this city, they either learned to ski as children or learned to play hockey. Back then, children were not plunked down in front of a TV, and parents were not playing on their phones or computers; they did not exist. Families found ways of having fun together, and children were taught to be outdoors. Winter was no exception.

Skiing in the sixties and seventies became a normal way for families to pass the time in the winter. As the children grew older, their skills improved, and they often became part of the race team. In Montreal, there were organized bus trips that would take groups of children directly to the ski hills for their lessons or ski races. Rod Roy Ski School was one of them. 

My husband went skiing every weekend with this ski bus for many years. As he got older and had his car, he skied with friends as often as possible. He loved to ski.

On the other hand, I did not live in Montreal, did not live near a ski hill, and did not particularly enjoy winter. (I still don't.) So then, what happened?

Wanting to Share Hobbies

Fast forward a few years, I met my husband. After a long-distance relationship, I moved to Montreal. We wanted to do many things as a couple, and skiing in the winter was one of the things we could do. However, since I was learning, it was a challenge. I took lessons, and he taught me, but I never progressed to the same level he had achieved. 

I wanted to share the passion for skiing so I skied along side for many years

Since weekly skiing had been a goal since he was young, one of the best ways to achieve this was to join the Ski Patrol. They are the First-Aiders on the hill. By joining, he could not only ski every week but also do so at minimal cost. We pondered that if I were skiing every week alongside him, I would naturally become a better skier. 

So, for many years, we skied together. He was in his element, and I was happy to share his hobby. When the children came along, they were taught to ski starting at age three. Weekly skiing became a family outing. 

However, as the children got older and no longer wanted to go, you know, the teenage years, I also started to think of things I would rather be doing. I no longer needed to go and questioned why I should keep going if I did not enjoy the sport.

But Do You Need To Share Everything?

So then I was in a quandary. Do I join him on the ski hill, knowing that I do not enjoy the sport and will be skiing by myself on occasion? Or do I not go and let him do his thing?

After all, getting up on a Saturday when it is dark and cold is not exactly how I want to enjoy my time off work. Furthermore, what would people think if I did not go with him? Should I care?

I decided that since the kids no longer wanted to go, I would stay home with them. As the children grew up and went away to university, I suddenly found myself alone on Saturdays.

Well, guess what! I loved it!

I have previous written another article about how sometimes I need to be alone.

Sometimes I Need To Be Alone

Fast forward a couple of years. Both "children" no longer live in the same city, and the once-a-week ski day has now turned into three or four times a week in the winter. Plus, my husband is now an Assistant Patrol Leader and on the Regional Executive, each with its sequence of non-ski meetings and commitments.

Canadian Ski Patrol tending to an injured skier on a hill

During the summer, the Patrol administers First Aid to local activities, festivals, charities and concerts - also a couple of times a week.

I understand that this lack of attention from my partner could be construed as an issue for some, but I look at it differently. I have gained several hours during my week that allow me complete freedom to do whatever I enjoy without having to think about someone else. Of course, one of the things I have gained is a newfound passion for writing. 

What started as a travel blog four years ago has now morphed into a more significant, comprehensive publication here on

Substack

, and I am so much happier. I can write what I want, when I want and communicate with other like-minded writers. Building and participating in this community has made me feel connected even though I am by myself at home.

So, where does that leave the skiing?

Skiing can stay on the cold, snow-covered hill where it belongs!

My husband enjoys the thrill and fulfillment of knowing he can assist people in need while skiing, while I can enjoy the peace of alone time.

It shows you that just because you are married (over 32 years), you do not always have to share your partner's interests or passions. Having activities away from each other fosters new connections and conversation topics.

Being able to enjoy alone time deep in my thoughts and writings has become a valuable escape.

In conclusion, becoming a "Ski Widow" has allowed me to explore new interests, participate in a new community on Substack, and understand that I can be independent and survive independently.

Do you agree that diversifying interests is a good thing in a relationship?