I get this! My husband is an avid cyclist and I could say I'm a cycling widow, especially at time of year. I have no interest in cycling myself but support him of course. It's nice to have separate hobbies.
Oh, I've been down that route too. He bought me a high end race bike so we could go together, but he diesnt get that I am not interested in "getting faster" or improving my overall distance. I just want to ride to enjoy the scenery.
My husband is much more active than I am - he's not good at sitting still for too long. I'm only too happy to wave him off on a bike ride, canoeing, hiking, or whatever while I sit back and enjoy the peace for a few hours or occasionally for a few days. Then we often do something together to balance the away times.
You and your husband have found a healthy balance! You have time to write (what you enjoy), and he can be up on the mountain (what brings him joy). This is an inspiring read, Laura! Thanks for sharing.
I can’t believe it took you this long to detach from skiing, if you didn’t really enjoy it! 👏
I’m a snowboarding and mountain biking widow, which gives me lots of lovely alone time and him the guilt-free freedom to hurtle down steep slopes with his equally fearless mates.
In our case, it’s pickleball. Playing, organizing events, acting as club president. I do tire of the word pickleball, but it makes my husband happy and physically active. And we’re only 20 miles from his winter love. Skiing, of course.
This is so interesting! I am a sailing widow and your descriptions are so similar to mine. We find that we enjoy our lives this way. I definitely enjoy my quiet time to write!
It absolutely does. And we each get to do things important to us without imposing on the other. It took us a while to get here, but I’m glad we did. Thanks for your post!
This piece resonated so much with me. I am an avid hiker. My husband prefers cycling. This summer, I'm headed for a trek around Mt. Blanc, and he plans to do a series of organized rides on his new road bike. When we meet up at the end, I think the energy from having pursued our passions will be great for our relationship.
That sounds awesome. As I have said, its all about creating a compromise that works for both. And you are correct, when you rejoin at the end of a day or week or month, there is so much new topics of conversation to refresh relationships.
Sometimes it’s a good idea not to do everything together. We did, too, for 60 years, so when he died, I lost my best friend, partner, playmate, husband, and confidant. It made building a new life as a widow much more challenging.
I have friends who are just about joined at the hip. Even their adult children go almost everywhere with them. It makes me sad knowing that they have not learned to exist independently. When I call my girlfriend, the phone is automatically put on speaker so the family can hear the conversation. Just a little annoying to say the least. And yes, we have had THAT conversation.
It's great when you are able to enjoy time on your own. When you never have that it's a craving. Even if you do nothing. Alone doing nothing can be a great thing. I love skiing, not that great at it but still love skiing. I'm sorry you went on skiing all this time without enjoying it. At least you've learnt a new skill. Maybe cross country skiing is a better alternative instead of the downhill. Another great piece from you Sunhats!
Oh that's a shame. I love the tracks, it's a lot slower and quieter. Sounds very competitive. What's important is you tried! No one can say you didn't.
I get this! My husband is an avid cyclist and I could say I'm a cycling widow, especially at time of year. I have no interest in cycling myself but support him of course. It's nice to have separate hobbies.
Oh, I've been down that route too. He bought me a high end race bike so we could go together, but he diesnt get that I am not interested in "getting faster" or improving my overall distance. I just want to ride to enjoy the scenery.
The bike has been hanging for 10 years.
My husband is much more active than I am - he's not good at sitting still for too long. I'm only too happy to wave him off on a bike ride, canoeing, hiking, or whatever while I sit back and enjoy the peace for a few hours or occasionally for a few days. Then we often do something together to balance the away times.
Absolutely. It's about finding the Balance.
What I find challenging is the repetitive question of if I want to join him.
No thanks, I'm OK on my own.
I used to be a golf widow. Love time to myself.
Isn't it wonderful.
I’m not married but this is how I see it, it’s like bank accounts: each spouse should have their own and both should have a common joint account…😉
I couldn't agree more.
Doing everything together and removing independent aspects could spell trouble down the line.
You and your husband have found a healthy balance! You have time to write (what you enjoy), and he can be up on the mountain (what brings him joy). This is an inspiring read, Laura! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much.
Yes, balance is the key.
We also alternate with solo and together holidays as well.
It's all about balance.
I can’t believe it took you this long to detach from skiing, if you didn’t really enjoy it! 👏
I’m a snowboarding and mountain biking widow, which gives me lots of lovely alone time and him the guilt-free freedom to hurtle down steep slopes with his equally fearless mates.
Everyone is happy with this, most of all me. 😃👍
Yeah, it took awhile.
I'm a happy camper now.
In our case, it’s pickleball. Playing, organizing events, acting as club president. I do tire of the word pickleball, but it makes my husband happy and physically active. And we’re only 20 miles from his winter love. Skiing, of course.
At least they are busy and not mooing around the house.
This is so interesting! I am a sailing widow and your descriptions are so similar to mine. We find that we enjoy our lives this way. I definitely enjoy my quiet time to write!
Isn't it an amazing feeling once you realize that you can do things differently and still maintain a healthy relationship?
And that perhaps, by doing things differently, it promotes that better relationship.
It absolutely does. And we each get to do things important to us without imposing on the other. It took us a while to get here, but I’m glad we did. Thanks for your post!
Thanks.
Every now and again, people question why I am doing something on my own. I smile and say, "because I want to".
This piece resonated so much with me. I am an avid hiker. My husband prefers cycling. This summer, I'm headed for a trek around Mt. Blanc, and he plans to do a series of organized rides on his new road bike. When we meet up at the end, I think the energy from having pursued our passions will be great for our relationship.
That sounds awesome. As I have said, its all about creating a compromise that works for both. And you are correct, when you rejoin at the end of a day or week or month, there is so much new topics of conversation to refresh relationships.
Sometimes it’s a good idea not to do everything together. We did, too, for 60 years, so when he died, I lost my best friend, partner, playmate, husband, and confidant. It made building a new life as a widow much more challenging.
Exactly.
I have friends who are just about joined at the hip. Even their adult children go almost everywhere with them. It makes me sad knowing that they have not learned to exist independently. When I call my girlfriend, the phone is automatically put on speaker so the family can hear the conversation. Just a little annoying to say the least. And yes, we have had THAT conversation.
There is only so much you can do.
It's great when you are able to enjoy time on your own. When you never have that it's a craving. Even if you do nothing. Alone doing nothing can be a great thing. I love skiing, not that great at it but still love skiing. I'm sorry you went on skiing all this time without enjoying it. At least you've learnt a new skill. Maybe cross country skiing is a better alternative instead of the downhill. Another great piece from you Sunhats!
Thanks.
Yeah, I tried the x-country skiing. But I just kept falling over. I'm not a fan of the tracks.
He refused to try so that was that.
There's something about guys always wanting to improve and be masters of a sport. Some can't just have fun and enjoy being outside.
Oh that's a shame. I love the tracks, it's a lot slower and quieter. Sounds very competitive. What's important is you tried! No one can say you didn't.
Absolutely.
I’ll be out there skiing!!
honestly good for you both, you need separate interests and it just makes sense to do what you love, and not do what you don’t!!